While doing research for an article on another site I came across the www.webmd.com site and couldn’t believe what I read in a post titled “Six Ways to Discipline Children – That Work!” I was thinking to myself “really… you really believe this is the best way to discipline a child?” I began to wonder if the author had children and if so how old those children were.
Discipline Tip #1: Reward Good Behavior – in part says “ There are grades of positive reinforcement,” says Turner. “There’s saying ‘good job. I’m really glad you did that,’ when your child cleans his room.” And there are times when your child does something extraordinary that may warrant a larger reward”
If the child is three years old and cleans their room without being ask saying “good job, I’m really glad you did that,” is warranted.
If your child is eight years old and finally cleans their room after being ask six saying “good
job, I’m really glad you did that,” is not warranted.
If your child is suppose to take the trash out and completes the task on his/her own then a “Thank You” is warranted.
If you tell your child that you will reward them for their behavior, i.e. do this or that and I will buy you ___________. That is not discipline that is bribery.
A boss is not going to tell an employee “good job, I’m really glad you did that”, if it is part of their job description.
Discipline Tip #2: Be Clear About Rules – in part says “James Sears, MD, a pediatrician in Southern California, suggests practicing discipline when it works for you. For instance, when you have 30 minutes to spare, interrupt your child’s game and tell her you need help with something. If she helps, great, do a quick and easy chore together and let her go back to her game. If she throws a tantrum, you have time to deal with it. “If you do that every once in a while, your child will understand that when Mommy says I need to put my toys away, I need to do it,” says Sears.”
Really, “discipline when it works for you”…. really. And what do you do when your child throws a tantrum and you don’t have time to deal with it? Do you let them get away with bad behavior? This rule of thumb leads to inconsistent discipline and a child who will know there are times when they can get away with murder.
Discipline Tip #3: Neutralize Arguments – says in part “go brain dead,” advises Jim Fay, co-author of Parenting with Love and Logic. For instance, if your child says, “This isn’t fair,” say, “I know.” If your child says, “All of my friends get to have this,” say, “I know.” Or you can use the phrase, “And what did I say?” to enforce rules you have already discussed with your child. Sometimes the less you say, the more clear your point becomes.
Discipline Tip #3 to Neutralize Arguments, I agree with to a point, but the response needs to be “I am YOUR mother/father and what I say goes”. If they say “my friends…” your response should be simple “I am not THEIR mother/father and what I say goes”.
You are the parent, don’t make light of that IMPORTANT fact.
Discipline Tip #4: Buy Yourself Time – says in part “Buy yourself time to calm down before you deal with the situation,” suggests Fay. You can tell your child, “Wow, bad decision. I need some time to figure out what I’m going to do about that.” When your emotions are in check, express empathy for your child first, then deliver the consequences. Empathy gives your child room to connect his behavior to the outcome. “You don’t have to get angry at kids, you don’t have to yell. Just allow it to become their problem,” says Fay.
Now, Discipline Tip #4: Buy Yourself Time, truly needs a giant “REALLY” tell your child you need time, express empathy for your child first… “REALLY”. So when seven year old little Johnny shoves his little sister down the stairs you’re going to say “Wow Johnny, that was a bad decision, while I am calling the ambulance and going to the hospital I am going to think about this and determine what I should do…” and then when you get finished at the hospital you’re going to empathize with little Johnny????? “REALLY”
Different scenario – a two year old runs out into the middle of the street, scares the crap out of you. You run out into the street behind the two year old and say “Wow Sarah, that was a bad decision, while I am getting my blood pressure to a normal level and stop crying I am going to think about what to do”. Thirty minutes later you go to two year old Sarah and empathy with her… “REALLY”… two year old little Sarah is not going to remember running out into the street. NO, you run after little Sarah, grab her with one hand, swat her butt with the other hand, then you are going to grab her tight and cry, and because of the swat she will probably cry. But, she will remember that running into the street will get her butt swatted.
Discipline Tip #5: Be Consistent About Rules – says in part “You may want to back down for fear of ruining your child’s fun. Keep in mind that kids benefit from limits. Rules and structure give children the security of knowing their parents are watching out for them. As kids get older, you can take a more flexible approach. Around the ages of 9 and 12, kids should get “a little leeway to test out the rules,” says Brody. “But always be very careful about safety.”
The only time you can begin to take a more flexible approach regarding disciplining your child(ren) is when they have proven that they do follow the rules that you have in place already. If you have a nine year old child who doesn’t seem to be able to get themselves out of bed and ready for school with the current bed time, what makes you think that the child will be able to get themselves out of bed and ready for school with a later bed time?
Discipline Tip #6: Model Good Behavior – says in part “Like it or not, your children are watching you. You can dole out as much advice as you want, but your personal conduct makes a more lasting impression than your words. “The number one way human beings learn is through imitation and copy,” says Fay. If you want your child to be honest, make sure you practice honesty. If you want your child to be polite, let her see your best manners, at home and in public.”
Discipline Tip #6: Model Good Behavior – Surprise this is the one tip that I agree with totally. Your children are always watching what you do, how you do it and trying to figure out why you are doing it. Be mindful of those little eyes because they are taking everything in and those little ears hear more than you may think and definitely understand more than what you give them credit for….
You are the Parent and children need to be loved, but they also desire structure and discipline, they need to be taught what is right and what is wrong. You are their first teacher, you are the only teacher who will be there for life, if you don’t give them their foundation who will?????